I Always Say This

Hello everyone. I know, I have been M.I.A for 7 months. Sorry, my bad. I know I always say this but, I have been very busy. The past 7 months have been a roller coaster of emotions and so many other things. The past week I have been a stressed out, blubbering mess. I swear I have cried from Monday to today. I am very unsure about my job at this point and I am ready to move on. I mean, it’s an easy job but, it can get very stressful and annoying. It’s feeling like I am going through the same routine over and over. It doesn’t feel fulfilling to me at all. My body has basically become an empty shell. I will talk more about this in another post.

I just wanted to let you know that I am still here and I will do the best I can to post more. I do miss writing but, my energy levels have been very lowlately. More to come. Take care all.


Weighty Obsession

Have you ever been around someone that is so desperate to lose weight or always obsessing about weight that it can drive you crazy? For me, it can be all the time. I currently work with a woman 5 years younger than me and she is always talking about it. She’s a nice person, when she talks about something else, but this weight obsession she has is driving me crazy. It doesn’t help that I sit right across from her. She is a pretty woman and in great shape. She is constantly talking about food, dieting, etc. to the point where I’m just ready to tell her to shut the hell up around. I don’t want to hear it.  She’s always hungry and talking about the things that she can’t have but want. I can not tell you how many times she has obsessed about having pizza, donuts, candy, etc. Say she eats a salad for lunch, an hour or so later she will be hungry and talking about how she wants something sweet or greasy. All I can do is just playfully laugh and tell her “I understand”. When on the inside I am just done with it.

The times I have seen her cheat she always looks guilty or sick. Once, someone brought in donuts for breakfast and she ate one. After she came back from lunch she looked completely miserable. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she had thrown up because she ate the doughnut. In my head all I could think was WOW! Is it that serious? She said she went to her mom’s house and started crying because she was so upset with herself that she had eaten that doughnut. This is the part where I don’t understand.

I don’t understand some people’s obsession with trying to get the perfect body to the point where they become miserable when they do something that is not in their plans. Honestly, it really makes me feel sorry for them. I hope I don’t ever get to that point. The funniest thing I’ve seen with people like this is its usually people (most of the time women) who are skinny/thin or fit that act this way. As much as I try to understand people, this is just something I can’t understand. Can you really be healthy if the way you are going about it isn’t?

Turning 30

So, it’s official, I am a 30 year old women. I still can’t believe 30 has come up so quickly and I honestly thought I would be so far along in my career and personal life than I am now. A lot of people see 30 as a golden age. The time when life starts to settle in and everything comes together for you. I used to believe that as well and at time, I find myself still believing that mindset. When you hit 30 you are expected have your career in order; with the job you love and/or in the field you majored in at college. I am not working in the field I majored in, far from it actually. I enjoy my current position and have been working at this company for 1 year and 1 month. I wouldn’t call it a career as of yet but, for me, it’s so far so good.

Then there’s the relationships aspects. Have close friends, be engaged or married, have a family or expecting your first child. I know a lot of this is old traditions, but many people still believe this should be true today. Even in a day and age when more people are marrying and having children later in life. In still believe a lot of people would expect someone my age to be in some sort of serious relationship at this point. I guess I am just not that fortunate to be doing well in this area.

I don’t have any close close friends. No one I can really hang out with and do stuff with. I have friends but, they don’t live anywhere near me. I do have 2 co-workers that I am friendly with but, we are just in different stages in our lives. They are both married so, they spend their weekends with their husbands and families. Understandable. I mainly hang out with my immediate family or alone. Being introverted, hanging out alone is really not a major deal to me but, it would be nice every once in a while to hang out with some people other than my family or by myself.

I am very grateful for the experiences I have had over the past year. Buying a new car, getting a new position, going on several vacations and traveling; with another coming up this month. I do appreciate those things but, I still can’t help feeling like something is missing, like something doesn’t feel right. I believe I know what it is but then again, I know it’s more than what I believe it is.

8 Months

I know I keep saying that I will write more, but life happens sometimes. And laziness, but that is a whole other monster.

So many things have been happening over the past 8 months, that I should have shared with you all, but didn’t. I know, I know. No need to tell me.

I turned 30 this year; May 30th to be exact. I always thought I would feel a little differently when I turned 30 but, I really don’t. I always saw 30 as a big milestone. I had so many deadlines at 30 that went unfulfilled. I know it’s not good to give yourself deadlines, but that’s how I work. Anyway, I do have the sudden urge to go out a little bit more but that could be because my money situation has gotten a lot better. I will elaborate more on turning 30 as it deserves its on post.

I got a new car; it was long overdue. My baby Cherry (my old car), was getting sicker and sicker by the day. I started to put a lot more strain on her since I got my new job back in August 2015. My job is over 30 miles away so, driving to and from work 2 hours a day was not good for her; it was time for an upgrade. I got Midnight (my new car) in March. Now let me tell you about Midnight, she is just an updated version of Cherry, but in black. She is amazing, as was Cherry when I first got her. Midnight is also a manual (shifter).

Midnight is the only car I have ever had that was a manual. Yes, you read that right, I’m a noob when it comes to driving manuals. So new, that I could not drive her off the lot. My mother had to do it as she has been driving manuals for over 30 years; those are the only cars she buys. Pretty much, I took a risk that I don’t regret. It’s still a learning process, obviously I won’t be an expert at 6 months, but I’m a lot better than I was when I first started. I seldom stall now.

More stuff; I’ve been to North Carolina and New York in the past 4 months. Last month I started a new position with my current company and I’m liking it so far. It seems like a lot less headaches than my previous position. Transferring out of my previous position was long overdue, but I am glad I stuck with it and found another position. Besides, I do like the company I am currently employed with, so it’s working out well. My current department is smaller, so they are a close group. I’m hoping to feel like a part of the team in the coming weeks. I’m technically still in the training stages.

That’s pretty much what I have been up to the past 8 months. I will elaborate on more things in upcoming posts. Don’t worry, I have already started writing them.

Ashley Stewart, Time to Step it Up

I’ve been shopping at Ashley Stewart for a very long time now. I enjoy a lot of their clothes, sans all the neon colored shirts; I tend to stick to dark, jewel tones. Anyway, when I lost weight back in 2007, I went down a cup size. That meant, I had more stores to shop for bras in; however, none were at the level of Ashley Stewart and Lane Bryant bras. These bras were and specially catered to bigger women.

I don’t know when Ashley Stewart changed but I was no longer able to find a size C cup in their stores. Yes, I searched and called around but they no longer carried C cups. Talk about disappointment! Not all of us big girls are a size DDD, DD, or D or even a full cup for that matter.

Recently, Ashley Stewart has come out with a new line of “Butterfly Bras”. they previously introduced this bra years ago with Jill Scott being their spokeswoman. These bras help to keep the back fat in check. Yep, no need to sugar coat it, a lot of us need that type of protection. Not only that, but the bra looks really comfortable and very stylist. Unlike some of the bras that are offered in other stores that aren’t specifically catered to plus size women. Pretty bars can be hard to find after a certain size, cup and width wise. The problem with these bras is they don’t come in anything lower than a D cup. That leaves a lot of us still searching for that perfect bra with the needed support. What bothers me is simply, a lot of us are not those sizes. What about the C, B, and A cups? Do we matter? Don’t we need the support as well? Some of us have back fat that we would like to keep under control. Once again, I am not going to sugar coat it.


As great as the bra may be, Ashley Stewart has failed in this department. Not only is this bad business, but it’s a bad message. That message is “sorry big girls that aren’t well endowed, you don’t matter”. Not a good business decision. The Ashley Stewart I frequented every other weekend closed down about 2 years ago. I even asked the manager why they didn’t sell more sizes. She told me “that’s a good question. You should write to corporate because a lot of women complain about the same thing. I’m pretty sure, had they started selling their bras in a variety of sizes they wouldn’t have had to close multiple stores. It would have helped with sells I’m sure. I would have definitely contributed to that seeing as I was there every other weekend.

Their competition, Lane Bryant and Avenue know what they are doing; they provide bras for a variety of cup sizes because we are monolithic. I have been known to buy several plunge bras from Lane Bryant at a time. I’ve bought a couple of bras from Avenue, but Lane Bryant is where I get the best. From Balconette to the T-shirt bra; Lane Bryant knows their clientele and what they want. Good business move LB! Ashley Stewart, take some notes, this is how you treat your customers.

Update: So, I strolled on over to Ashley Stewart’s website just to make sure I wasn’t completely wrong and I must say I have to eat my words. I found a C cup bra, lol. 1 WHOLE C CUP BRA OUT OF MANY. That’s right, the C cup only comes in one style (see picture below). Way to go!


2015 Year End Review

Traditionally, I do a year-end review for the past year. I usually do this on the last day of the year or the first day of the New Year. I am very late in getting this out, but hey, better late than never. 2015 has been a very trying year for me, especially towards the beginning of the year. I was laid off twice (can’t work as a substitute teacher during the summer, so it feels like a layoff), I moved twice, etc. 

My last day working with my Aunt was January 1st. I was previously laid off in October 2014, but she asked me to come back on that Monday, yeah. But this time it was official. I am not going to lie, working with my Aunt is not easy, and so I was a bit relieved and sad at the same time. Relieved because I didn’t have to put up with her attitude and micro-management anymore, but sad because I didn’t have a job. 

Late February I started substitute teaching. I started off small, doing teaching assistant and half day jobs. I wanted to get my feet wet to make sure I was comfortable doing it. Boy did I get comfortable. I started doing it as a full time job. I would work full days, 5 days a week. If the teacher or school liked me, I would get call backs; I’ve gotten so many call backs from teachers. I’ll admit, I wasn’t the cool and sit back and let the kids do what they want type of sub, that’s not my style. Regardless if your teacher is here or not, you have work and you will do it and I will make sure you do it.

Of course subbing has its ups and downs, see previous post Adventures in Substitute Teaching, but that’s with any job, even if you enjoy it. I’ve always had a better time with the High School students, they actually listened and did their work. The worst are Middle School; they just don’t listen, same as the K-1st graders. 5th graders can be assholes as well.

In May, my sister bought her a house and I moved in with her after our lease was up. I low key enjoyed staying with my sister; she doesn’t know that. She minded her business and I minded mine. Plus, I had my own bathroom in my room; first time for everything. The bathroom wasn’t that big, but the room was nice and spacious. I miss that room!

June marked the real challenge, being laid off again. Rarely are there jobs for substitutes in the summer. First consideration goes to the regular teachers that don’t work over the summer. I’d check every day for jobs but nothing. So, time for job hunting; I hate job hunting. I hate filling out application after application and waiting and hoping they’d call. Even if you call them, it doesn’t guarantee that they will call you back. I worked and re-worked my resume as best I could. I even applied for jobs that didn’t require anything more than a high school diploma, jobs I was over qualified for. Out of all those applications I filled out, only 3 called me back. Two were daycare jobs, they didn’t like my asking price. Apparently, daycare workers only get paid about $8.50 here. Much less than what I was getting when I was subbing. The other was an actual teaching job, but because I didn’t have an ESOL endorsement, I wouldn’t be considered; it was more state rules than theirs. That means more school for the ESOL endorsement. I was really starting to lose hope and getting pretty desperate. Living on limited funds is not fun at all.

Towards the end of July, I moved into my new place with my roommate. The place is not the greatest, but it will do until I get my own place at the end of the year. I’m dreaming of a black and white bathroom. I also went to several unsuccessful job fairs. This one was a little unorganized as it only allowed 50 people in the room at a time, they never specified that in the information. So, that meant I had to stand in a long line for about an hour. I wanted to leave, but I had a feeling this would be the place where I would find a job. All that waited couldn’t mean I would come out with nothing. So I waited. There were several insurance companies (life and auto), cellular phone companies, and healthcare companies. I pretty much gave my resume to every company sans the life insurance ones; I really am not a sales person.

I was just about to walk out the door when I stopped at the booth for a traveling healthcare company. I didn’t think I would ever be working for a place in the healthcare field. That’s is very far from my major, but I gave it a chance. I gave them my resume and went over my experience. The recruiter said something along the lines that I would be a good match as an consultant associate/assistant. I read the description and abide the recruiters ado. A couple of days later I got a call from the recruiter, they wanted to interview me. I agreed and we set up a time.

The Interview went well and I just have made a great impression because 30 minutes later I got an offer; I accepted. This is where I have been since August. I felt a little better, the first time in a long time I felt like I could breathe a little. I finally had a job, insurance, benefits, etc. Most of those things I haven’t had since 2012. I honestly haven’t been to a doctor since then. Now, I finally can go again.

These were just some of the highlights from 2015. Anything happen to you last year that stood out?