Down With Love: I’m Done!

  • 0 is the number of dates I have been on
  • 1 is the number of boyfriends I have had
    • is the number of dates I was invited on and then cancelled by him
  • 2 is the number of guys I asked out
    • Is the number of dating profiles I had to delete this month
  • 3 is the number of emails I sent out to men recently and never got a response back this month
    •  is the number of “date night” dresses I have that I have yet been able to wear
  • 4 is the number of months I was with that boyfriend
  • 7 is the number of crushes I had on guys
  • 10 is the number of dating sites I have been on since I was 21
  • 12 is the number of years since I had a boyfriend
  • 14 was the age I had a boyfriend
  • 26 is my current age
  • 27 is how old I will be in 6 months
  • 2012 is officially the last year I will ever look for a mate

Its official, with the world finally coming to an end (rolls eyes) in December I can finally stop worrying about whether or not I am going to go out on at least one date or whether or not I will be married because we all will cease to exist. For real, I am really done. I can’t do it anymore, I am exhausted. I can’t keep putting myself through this. To actually hope and have faith that something good is going to happen this time only to be shot down. Look at those numbers, terrible. I have thrown my hands up and conceded. People say wait patiently, as you can see I have been waiting 12 years, 8 if you start at the age of 18. If that is not patient then I don’t know what is.

I am convinced I know what the answer is, my weight. It’s no secret men prefer someone who is slim/thin/athletic etc., even if they are not those things themselves. It has to do with appearance and being proud to show your woman off to other men; aka “trophy”. Because of my size, most men would not consider me a trophy; notice I said most and not “none”. The ones that will consider me one are far and few or my father’s age. I’ve had to deal with my weight all my life. I’ve lost 80lbs and gained 50lbs of that back. A much as I may not want to deal with it being a part of my life it is a part of my life and will always be a part of my life. As previously mentioned, I don’t want to be a size 0,2,4,6, or 8. I’d rather be a 12 to be honest. I’ve been a 12 before and I had no desire to be less than that. I am going to lose weight for me and no one else.  It’s not fair that I have to change because I don’t want to change someone else. If only the world was perfect, but it’s not and this is reality.

It’s a hindrance because you want to be loved for who you are, yet you aren’t. If I lost weight the only thing that will change is my outside, I am still going to be the same person on the inside. So why are most men so focused on the outside when the inside is the real person! I guess my plans for adoption are still on. I can’t wait anymore, I’m not getting younger and my patience has worn so thin that anything can break it now. I will focus on school, get my career started, and just get everything I need in order to welcome my future daughter into my life. Hopefully, she won’t have a hard time like I did/do.

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